The Death Pool – GMHL’s Parry Sound Islanders Disappear Under Mysterious Circumstances

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September.  Can you smell it?  Can you just smell hockey season?  Or is that the smell of greed and failure?  Yep, its greed and failure stinking up the joint.

The “G” Show.  I swear to god, these guys exist simply to make my life easy when it comes to developing content.  Its like a god damn train schedule only that you know these trains are going to wreck almost exactly on schedule.

Yeah, so the Parry Sound Islanders are done.  A search party was sent out during the solar eclipse, and all that was found were a stack of Subway and McDonalds bags.

But when searchers followed the trail of fast food trash, they started finding some other clues to what might have happened.  When team owners were spotted at the corporate office it got kind of interesting;

Yep, it turns out that the Parry Sound owners also own two other “G” show teams.  Between the three teams that had 61 players!  Yeah, I know, even first grade math tells you that each team had at least 20 players.

But these monkeys were too busy counting the money.  They actually said they were folding the team so that the 61 players could be divided among the two remaining teams!

Yeah shit birds, that’s 30 players for one team and 31 for the other.  Yeah, that math kinda sucks when you only get to dress 20 players a game.  So you got at least 10 players paying to sit in the freaking stands every night?

Nice job.  Thank you.  If this doesn’t say you are a greedy bunch of monkeys nothing will.  Any parent or player falling for this shit is a moron.  Seriously, this is just amazing.

In the mean time we got at least 3 more “G” show teams on the verge of folding too.  I love all the reports of players showing up to 6 skaters and 3 goalies, or 8 skaters and 4 goalies!

Now that is how you build a team boys and girls.  Play three goalies each game and you might just keep those double digit ass kicking’s from happening every night.  Yeah, now that’s an idea.

Stay tuned everyone.  We got three or four more “G” show teams that may go under, and we got a ton of other teams who are on life support.

Yeah, in case you missed it, the USA Hockey protected lists are out and the Tier III panic is full blown.  We got teams that aren’t reporting any roster, and a whole shit load of teams who couldn’t play today if they had to.

Hey dummies, how about some more pay to play expansion next year?  Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.  With the purchase of your brand new pay to play team you also receive this awesome shit sandwich you can save for later!

David Wagner – The Angel Of Death – For Those Who Live Stupidly I salute You

*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events.  It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.