Hey kids…It’s about that time to have your inbox stuffed, and your phone blowing up. Despite no word throughout the season, little Johhny is in HIGH demand now!!! Now most teams must put in those phone calls and emails, but none do it as industrialized as the GMHL!!!
They have a full-fledged telemarketing office in Bradford, Ontario. This operation takes the same equipment as those companies wanting to sell you credit card insurance. Workers get bogus team titles, and hit the phones! Trust me, it won’t be the head coach calling you!!! They have a chart up in the middle of all those cubilcles to see who gets bonus by hitting their quota, just like at a telemarketing company, but instead of how many fake credit card insurance policies they can sell, it’s how many “little Johnie’s” they can sucker into paying to play in the outlaw GMHL (Where the ‘HL’ stands for House League).
In addition to the usual fraud teams simply out for your money that we’ve warned you about, namely the Niagara Whalers, South Muskoka Shield, and the Wiarton Schooners, also notice how the telemarketing office is in Bradford, Ontario, the same location as the league office??? Duuuuuh, that’s because it’s in the league office; the league themselves run both the Bradford Bulls and Bradford Rattlers. If players sign up for the league draft, that goes right to the Bradford Bulls and Rattlers. The telemarketers/workers send bulk emails to every player’s email they can find, and follow it up with phone calls.
Did the telemarketer actually see you play? How could they, they work in a cubicle in Bob Russell and Ken Girard’s sweat shop. Ask them what the rink looked like where they scouted you! Ask them what color the scout button was…..Trick question, no one gives out scout buttons.
If you think this is how the GMHL recruits, you’re dead wrong. That’s just one part of how they get the “sucker born every minute”. The second prong is through advisors, agents, and coaches. The deal is – Each coach, agent, or advisor gets BIG money to place or refer a kid to the GMHL; minimum $2,000/player!!! So if your coach, advisor, or agent tries to sell you on how awesome the GMHL is, do your homework! Because for how great that coach or advisor might be, you’d be surprised how many will sell you down the river for a cool $2K in their pocket!
Good luck this recruiting season, and beware of the telemarketers, greedy coaches, and advisors. Better get an extra “delete” key for your computer, I got a feeling it’s going to get worn out!!!
~ Peter Northgraves
*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events. Unfortunately for the GMHL its not too funny for them. It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.