The Death Pool – Special Report – New Death Watch List

I know its only October, but I would really like to send out an early Thanksgiving, “thank you” to all the pay to play shit shows.  Seriously, if you dummies didn’t fall for the bullshit story that you were going to make a ton of money owning a pay to play team, my days would be less entertaining.

So lets hear a great big round of applause for all the teams on this new and updated list.  These dummies are endangering the welfare of the players on their rosters by playing with such low numbers they should be shut down.

These shit shows by risking these players physical well being are proving they don’t give two shits about the kids and its all about the money.  Each of these teams is playing with fewer than 15 skaters, or lying about their numbers, or just so damn shitty they need to fold before they continue to embarrass themselves.

And here we go…..

NA3HL Bozeman Icedogs – The Icedogs have no bite.  In fact a lot of people are wondering if they have any teeth.

NA3HL College Station Spirit – Spirit?  What spirit?  The spirit of you’re an embarrassment to call yourselves a junior team?

NA3HL Dayton Falcons – The falcons have no wings, no feathers, and cant fly.  In fact most people think this group is just a pig with lipstick from Cincinnati.

NA3HL Mid Cities Junior Stars – Stars?  Really?  More like mid cities black holes.  You know, like where careers go to die! Ha Ha Ha

NA3HL Nashville Jr. Predators – The only thing predatory about this organization is their ability to cash checks and process credit cards.

NA3HL Skylands Kings – Once a shit show always a shit show.

NA3HL Yellowstone Quake –  Seriously who the hell wants to go and freeze their balls off all winter playing for this shitty team?

USPHL Premier Daytona Racers –  The race to the bottom is the only race this team will win.

USPHL Premier Ironwood Fighting Yoopers – If this team could actually recruit more than a handful of players they might make something of themselves.

USPHL Premier Tri City Icehawks – Now this is one classy team! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

EHL New York Bobcats Royals – WTF is a Bobcat Royal?  Some kind of pussy cat with a crown on it?

EHL Valley Jr. Warriors – The warriors?  Really?  From the Isuckathockey tribe?

EHL Premier (lower level) Central Penn Panthers – Ok, seriously.  This organization has got to be an extended April Fools joke.

EHL Premier (lower level) New York Applecore –  Even Seinfeld couldn’t have come up with a shit show like this.

EHL Premier (lower level) New England Wolves – More like the puppies not wolves.

GMHL London Lakers – When you think of money grab, this is a great example.

GMHL Windsor Aces – When you think of stupid, this is a real good example for future reference.

GMHL Toronto Predators – The only predatory behavior found in this team is the way they eat at Golden Corral.  Time to get the cholesterol checked boys.

GMHL Fergus Force – Another recycled shitty team owner, turned into another shitty team a few years later.  Go figure the same results would happen huh?

GMHL Wiarton Schooners- This shit show was doomed from the beginning.  But hey, there nothing like a good party and puking on yourselves to make it like real junior hockey eh boys?

So, who will be the next to go?  Did we miss anyone?  Email your tips to

David Wagner – The Angel Of Death – For Those Who Live Stupidly I salute You

*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events.  It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.