The Death Pool – Its Not Junior Hockey When…….


Happy Monday everyone!  Do you have the holiday spirit?  I know I do.  I just love giving.  Giving people the shit they deserve that is! Ha Ha Ha Sling that big bag over your shoulder some time and see how fun it is! Ha Ha Ha

Ahhhhhh yes.  One week from today many of you will be gathering with family and opening gifts.  Some of you though will be having family meetings to try to come up with a strategy for getting away from the shit show team you signed on with!

In that spirit of giving, allow me to give you dummies some free advice.  RUN!  Run like hell!  The ship is sinking, are you going to go down with it?

Seriously.  Just leave that shit show team and do what’s best for yourself.  No one is going to blame you for coming to your senses.  Don’t let the whole season be wasted on some bad team.  Do what you can to save your season.

So its not junior hockey when……

You are the third string goalie on a shit show Tier III team and your coach signs two more goalies.  Seriously.  Five freakin goalies on the ice at practice?  That shure wouldn’t be about the money would it?  Ha Ha Ha

You play for the Wallaceburg Lakers who are on their FOURTH HEAD COACH this year!  Yes, their fourth freakin head coach this season!  Just a hint for you dumb ass owners and managers.  If your team is 2 and 24, its not the fault of bad coaching!  Its because your team SUCKS!

You play on a Tier III team that has already gone through dozens of local players.  Then your coach decides to start dressing new players under the names of players who have left so he doesn’t have to process more transactions!

Your Tier III coach is spotted making out at the movies with one of your High School female classmates.  When asked about it the coach says, “She’s 18, its legal.”  Yep, good thing you checked into the legal status there coach.  I mean the whole stigma of an adult dating a child shouldn’t hold you back or anything!  Scumbag.

You are on the team bus, heading home after a big road win.  Everybody is in a great mood and coach tells you that everyone is off on Monday because the weekend went so well.  All of a sudden your bus breaks down.  The owner, making the road trip with the team asks everyone to chip in for repairs!  Yes.  The owner asked the players to chip in for repairs!  How awesome is that?!?!?!?!

Its not junior hockey when your owner openly talks about how bad the league is that you play in.  Immediately after saying how bad the league is, he asks your parents if they would like to commit to playing for him again next season!  Yeah buddy, we wanna come back and play in a league you just told us was shitty!  Ha Ha Ha

Finally.  Its not junior hockey when you are playing in the GMHL Showcase and the other team wont come back on the ice because they keep getting jumped and forced to fight.  Yes indeed, the “G” show is lit.  I know all my fans in the “G” thought I forgot about them!  Ha Ha Ha  So, in case everyone forgot……It aint junior hockey if you play in the “G”!

David Wagner – The Angel Of Death – For Those Who Live Stupidly I salute You

*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events. It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.

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