The Death Pool – Special Report – UFO Sightings Coincide With More Teams Vanishing

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With what can only be seen as an emergency situation, NASA has been called in by hockey experts around the United States to help explain more team disappearances.

The issue is now spanning from coast to coast.  While primarily located in the North eastern United States and Canada over the summer, the UFO sightings and team vanishing problems have spread.

The Kent Ravens of the WSHL are now missing.  With reports from fans who had traveled to watch a game last week only to arrive at the arena to find the team had vanished, a missing persons report was filed.  Local authorities refused to comment on the record, but did say the following off the record;

“Hey, we are only here because we have to be.  Some of these people were tax payers, and if we don’t at least make it look like we give a shit we wont get our Sheriff re-elected in November.  Not only that, but the concession stand had a ton of extra hot dogs so I figured I would hang out and eat a few.”

On the other side of the country, the PAL Islanders Elite team, and Metro Moose have both disappeared.  One local official made the following statement;

“Yeah, so, these hurricane winds just blew these teams away.  Either that or they signed up to work on that secret CIA project.  That’s my theory anyway.  The UFO’s stopped coming here after they did all my testing.  Hey, do you have any extra tin foil for my hat?”

While the investigation is ongoing, NASA is on the scene taking radioactivity measurements and witness statements.

TJHN will update this story as more information becomes available.

David Wagner – The Angel Of Death – For Those Who Live Stupidly I salute You

*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events.  It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.