The Death Pool – Mass Emails To Players Not Eligible To Play – Special Report


Yeah okay, so everyone remembers my little gag on all the junior teams with my fake resume right?  Here’s a reminder kids The Death Pool – Maybe Teams Should Do Some Scouting Before Inviting Players To Camp

Everyone have their memory refreshed now?

Okay, so last night the boss here sends me over a copy of an email from a Tier II team.  Nice email, recruiting a player for one of the camps they are holding this summer.  Sweet if your looking for a team right?

Guess what kids?  These idiots don’t even know who they are emailing.  Yeah you’re going to love the details even more.

So this team says in their first sentence:

“I am e-mailing you today wanting to extend an invitation for to attend one of our camps this off-season. Our scouting staff identified you at the recent USHL 1996-97 combine and were impressed with your play.”

Nice intro right?  Says where they saw him, says they were impressed.  Got to make a kid feel good right?!

Only problem here is the player they sent this to is a 1994 birth date and could not have attended the USHL 1996-97 combine!!!!!!

So what do you take from this kids?  How valuable are those big time invites?  Yep those teams are seriously interested in you aren’t they!  What a freaking joke.

I would love to expose the team here, but the boss man wont let me.  But hey I am sure more than a few of you reading this got the email, and you might just want to think twice about how interested the team actually is in you before you sign up for camp.  Parents, check those emails dated May 13th in particular.

Hey scouts and coaches, how about pulling your heads out of your collective asses and actually do some work for a change.  Ya might be taken a little more seriously if you picked up a phone and did things the old fashioned way.  Championship team my ass, you don’t win championships recruiting with emails that are clearly only suitable for toilet paper.

Hey parents, you might want to do a little more research before you jump on the summer camp circuit!  Sometimes my job just couldn’t get any easier.  Thanks for the constant flow of material, I’ll be here all week and don’t forget to tip your waitress.

David Wagner – The Angel Of Death – For Those Who Live Stupidly I salute You

*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events.  It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening