Todays Death Pool is written by a guest who is auditioning to take over the series. Please let us know what you think via Twitter.
The Death Pool. I have been reading this thing for years, and I got to say, I miss the old attitude it used to have. You could always count on a little hard core slap in the face commentary and comedy. So I’m gonna try to bring a little of that back if I get the gig.
No better time than the present to start either.
Someone needs to call the butcher before this carcass rots away. We got us some big game today. Yes sir, the Lake Erie Bighorns are dead and we aint gonna let this meat go to waste.
The Bighorns? What do you mean you never heard of the Bighorns? Damn I thought everyone knew who the Bighorns were. When I say everyone I mean all six people that would work at their games in Erie PA. You know the home of the OHL Otters.
What idiot would want to go into an OHL market and try to play games in an OHL building? This is a complete head scratcher.
Hmmmmmm, thats right, it was just last week the Bighorns announced they were moving to Jamestown New York. Genius decision there.
Imagine the conversation on the move to Jamestown;
“Okay boys this Erie thing sure hasn’t worked out. We are in a market that supports a successful team and they are just kicking ass selling tickets and merchandise.”
“Say boss, maybe being in a great junior hockey town was a bad idea. Maybe we need to do the opposite and move to a town that has already proven to be a complete failure of a junior hockey town. What ya think about that idea?
“Kid, you might just be on to something. Lets see. What hockey town has had a lot of failure that we can go to, and still be able to drink at our favorite bar after games?”
“Boss, we got to look at Jamestown. That place has failed with the NAHL twice, NA3HL, and some independent team all in the last ten years or so. If you want a dumpster fire of a location, its Jamestown.”
“Kid, I think you nailed it. Lets go there. A nice arena with a terrible fan base, high unemployment, and in the middle of nowhere. Get on it and get this done.”
Less than ten days later, like a bad fart that lingers in a room after you left it, the Bighorns are dead!
Now people are saying that something happened with the coaching and the arena objected to a new hire because they had a history with the guy. The owner then pulled the plug.
But wait a minute, the owner was the same guy who was the coach of the NA3HL team that shit the bed in Jamestown. So you got to ask WTF was anyone thinking when deciding to go to Jamestown?
Website? Gone. Social media? Gone. Any word from the owner? Not a word.
Whats really messed up? Word is that the team had 18 players signed. So now 18 guys got to go find new homes because someone took a dump in the wrong place.
Yeah so there you have it. The Bighorns ended up like Custer at Little Bighorn. Dead on the scene.
Dick Fitzwell – Guest writer
*The Death Pool, if I get the job, will be my personal platform to essentially take liberties at other people and teams expense. If you cant stand the sarcasm, go home, get your blanket and give mommy a hug cause you aint getting one here.
