You have to wonder what some people wake up thinking some days. You might wonder if maybe they drank too much the night before and were still a little drunk or if they ate something that made them hallucinate.
“George I have an idea.” “Whats that David?” “George, I think we need to open up a new pay to play hockey team.” “Why do you think that David?” “Well shit, because its a money making machine George, that’s why.”
You think the conversations go like that? I ask because I just cant believe after the last two summers with literally four dozen teams folding, that we are going to have a summer with…….
Close to two dozen pay to play expansion teams! That’s right two freakin dozen. Yeah, just let that settle in for a minute.
So, with all the folding teams, the absolute blow ups, and the random shit shows; league leaders think its a good idea to add some more teams. Yep, that sounds right. We cant support all the shit shows we already have, and we don’t have a massive influx of talent coming in, but lets expand anyway. Brilliant.
I love hearing how “import players” are going to help out these teams. Yep, but only one in ten teams actually has a recruiting plan for import players. Do these guys think players from outside of North America are actually looking to spend thousands of dollars on lower level junior hockey? Do they think those players are searching the internet for tryout offers for pay to play teams?
“Hey Sven” “Yeah Henrick” “Lets fly over to the States for a camp in June.” “You know that’s gonna be expensive Sven.” “Yeah Henrick, but so what, we fly over, spend a few grand, fly home, then fly back to spend more money for the season.” “Ok Sven, when you put it like that it makes a whole lot of sense.”
Is it possible that these leagues and new expansion franchise owners don’t read the news? Do they not research the business model?
Are leagues that good at selling and telling these new owners to ignore the facts? Are these new owners that desperate to be owners? Or is it a case of them thinking the guys that failed before them were just less competent?
Now I can see an experienced group adding to what they might already be doing. They got experience, they are in tune with the market, and they should be able to recruit more players. The experienced guys only get experienced by surviving the inexperienced dummies trying to do it.
Two dozen. That’s 500 new hockey players that need to fall from the sky to fill these rosters. 500 junior hockey players that miraculously appear. Ummmmmmm yeah, that aint gonna happen.
So it looks like I got me another busy summer coming up. The best part about all these teams coming in means that we can set the over under for teams folding at 24 again this year. Not only will a bunch of these new shit shows implode but they will take down some experienced teams with them.
Come September people are going to be standing around pointing fingers at who is to blame. We will be getting the emails from you folks who get taken financially by these teams. We will get the emails from teams begging us to not put them in the Death Pool. We will get more emails from teams pointing fingers at other teams and other people as the reason for their folding.
It is a beautiful vicious cycle that we have come to count on and enjoy every summer. It gets earlier and goes later each year.
Oh and don’t worry, we will do our part to help hasten the demise of some shit shows too. Speaking of that, check back real soon cause we got one on our radar already.
Remember to order your team branded body bag early this shit show season ladies and gentlemen. We buy in bulk.
Speaking of shit shows, I wonder what happened to these guys http://www.caspercoyotes.com/ Ha Ha Ha what a bunch of donkeys. (website mysteriously reappears after being down for days with coach now gone)
David Wagner – The Angel Of Death – For Those Who Live Stupidly I salute You
*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events. It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.