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The Death Pool – GMHL West Intensive Care Update

Sometimes in life it’s just the right thing to do to walk through the intensive care unit and start kicking plugs out of the walls.

The GMHL West intensive care unit has four victims still being pumped oxygen and pretending to be junior hockey teams, and a fifth that should have been killed off last year. The GMHL West is proof that some people can never understand what addition by subtraction actually means.

The Gibbons Pioneers, the abomination that survived last season somehow, has thirteen forwards, three defense and three goalies. That by GMHL West standards is an excessively full roster. But this amazing team has played ten games and given up one hundred goals in pursuit of its perfect 0 and 10 start. Nothing says GMHL West like this kind of perfection!

Burns Lake and Mackenzie began their seasons with a home and home series that was nothing short of shit show spectacular. On Friday night Mackenzie pumped Burns Lake 13 to 4 and then on Saturday, Burns Lake tightened up the defense and only lost 10 to 2. Many fans were talking about how scouts from the University of Michigan were said to be in attendance. It was later discovered that the person wearing the Michigan warm up was the new Zamboni driver who bought it on EBay. Tremendously disappointing for all.

Both Burns Lake and Mackenzie looked great with two complete lines on the ice. Players certainly are not complaining about a lack of ice time in between a few beers stashed on the benches.

Kitimat and Tumbler Ridge have yet to start their seasons. The local fans though are very excited to get the season started this coming week. Moose knuckle sandwiches are said to be free at the Tumbler Ridge home opener, a new GMHL West tradition.

Unfortunately, due to double top secret GMHL West security, roster information for Kitimat and Tumbler Ridge is not yet available. Rumor on the street is that coaches have been out at middle schools offering fake I.D.’s for any twelve and up players who want to get a head start on the end of their junior hockey career.

Lets not forget about the regular old GMHL now.

The Streetsville Flyers are off to a perfect 0 and 11 start. The Windsor Aces gave up their pursuit of a perfect season and have fallen to 1 and 11 while giving up a league leading 101 goals against. Some things are just so impressive there isn’t anything else you can say.

Jake Gardner – Kicking plugs

*The Death Pool, if you, your team or your league are in the Death Pool health insurance is advised.

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