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The Death Pool – Special Report – Connecticut Rangers Elite Team Vanishes

Someone needs to call NASA!  We got us an unidentified flying object circling Tier III on the loose or we got a major missing persons issue that needs investigating!

The Connecticut Rangers have either misplaced their Elite team, or maybe some aliens came down in a UFO and took all the players away.  Yep that’s it, the UFO.  They wiped all the USPHL memory banks clean, no one remembers the team even existed, and players don’t even remember if they were part of the team!

Why is it that UFO’s seem to only be seen by people who have some ummmmmmm questionable levels of intelligence?  Come to think of it, anyone buying a Tier III expansion franchise may be pre screened for making sure they have at some time reported seeing a UFO;

League asks, “Bob, have you ever seen a UFO or been abducted by Aliens?”  Bob answers “Yes”  League replies “Come on over Bob and bring your check book, you have been approved.  Please take the tin foil off your head though.”

We did find traces of their existence though.  Yep, like footprints in the sand before the tide washes them away, we got a digital footprint that proves the team did in fact once exist!

Rangers Capture

You know, just in case someone wants to complain about my reporting on this other nifty piece of work that no one wants to talk about.

Just a clue guys; if you don’t want to be featured on The Death Pool, fold the team the right way with an announcement and the rest of the world cant make fun of you!

So, lets hear a nice quiet golf clap for the Connecticut Rangers.  Though we hardly knew them, or did we know them, or did they exist?  Oh shit, never mind, kick some dirt on this bitch and lets move on to the next one!

Driver take me to Non Merciful Hospital and lets make it quick, I got some life support plugs to kick out of sockets.

Oh shit yeah, don’t want to forget……looks like we may have some Tier III teams tampering this year in order to survive.  Yeah I got reports on one team tampering with multiple other teams contracted players right now.  You know, the old trick of saying the team wants you for Tier II but you will have to start out on Tier III.  This might be a good one.

David Wagner – The Angel Of Death – For Those Who Live Stupidly I salute You

*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events.  It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.

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