Ummmmmmm yeah, so we got us another sex crime report. Looks like Jacob Dittmer wasn’t a TJHN avid reader of The Death Pool. If he would have been he would have read all the stories of the sick bastards that are trying to have sex with under age girls. He would have read about the call for an end to the deviant sexual subculture that permeates sports today. Either that or he cant read!
So yeah, Jacob Dittmer is the latest idiot to put his hockey career and life on the line for the opportunity to have sex with an under age child.
Parents of a 14-year-old girl called police earlier this month to say that Jacob Dittmer, 18, had entered their house after midnight and had sex with the girl. How did they know it happened? The parents found a used condom in the garbage. At least he was smart enough to use a condom, and then make it available to confirm his DNA was in it for Police!
14 years old kids! But it gets better. According to the girl’s statement to police, Dittmer tried to have anal sex with her, but the she refused.
But the real reason we know he isn’t an avid reader of TJHN……….
The girl told police she and Dittmer took a picture together before he left her room. A detective later interviewed Dittmer, who showed him a picture of himself and the girl dated the morning of the alleged crime.
Yep, more idiots taking pictures of their conquests! Need to do a little research to see if this idiot is related to either of the former USHL players who video taped their crime.
But it gets better……
According to what the girl told police, Dittmer said he did not care that what he was doing was illegal. That’s right kids he knew it was not only wrong but illegal, and he did it anyway. What’s that say about character?
But hey, he sure is one fine goalie. Lets draft him.
One day before Dittmer was criminally charged on Wednesday, the Minnesota Magicians, in the NAHL, announced he was their draft pick.
Ummmmmm hey there boys, did you maybe think to call the kid or his parents before the draft? Maybe you did maybe you didn’t.
But ummmmmm yeah, the kid was hauled into the police department for questioning three days before he was charged, so even if you called him, you didn’t ask the right questions. Ummmmmm yeah, well I guess not everyone asks about criminal charges these days. Maybe that should be standard procedure huh?
*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events. It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.
