The Death Pool – Special Report – Flint Firebirds Players Quit After Coaching Staff Fired

Oh hell yeah kids, its a double header Monday!  Two Death Pools in one day is kind of like meeting the hot chick on Friday night and boom after a great night, she actually comes back after lunch!

Thank you hockey gods for all the dumb ass owners in junior hockey who buy teams for their sons to play on!  It truly is a blessing when you get some gazzillionaires who can buy OHL teams though!

So, the Flint Firebirds Owner Rolf Nilsen bought the team last year and moved it from Plymouth.  Everyone knew he had been trying to buy a USHL team for his son Hakon Nilsen to play on.  No secret in hockey kids, and daddy’s by teams all the time to ensure their kid has a spot.

But no one expected the coaches to be gassed because poor old Hakon Nilsen wasn’t getting enough playing time!  Awwww shit, did someone forget to explain that to John Gruden and assistant coaches Dave Karpa and Petr Jonak?

Its not like the coaches didn’t have any experience, Gruden and Karpa skated in a combined 649 NHL games. Gruden, 45, was most recently the head coach of the Under-17 team in the U.S. National Development Program. Karpa, 44, played for the Quebec Nordiques, Anaheim Mighty Ducks, Carolina Hurricanes and New York Rangers.

And its not like the team was playing like shit either.  The Firebirds, were off to a 7-9-0-1 start, and just a few hours before the firings they finished a comeback win over Memorial Cup Champions Oshawa!  Oh yeah, and don’t let me forget, they are pretty much kicking ass when it comes to getting people in the building to watch games after everyone else failed!

But nooooooo, that’s not good enough for Rolfy boy!  Got to make sure his little Hakon gets his playing time.  Hey Rolf, got some news for you there buddy, your kid isn’t an OHL level player!  How about that daddy?!

Yeah, I have seen the kid play for Flint and before that Little Caesars.  Not an OHL player Rolf, and you may have just wasted a ton of money on this team because not many real coaches will want the job now that you pulled this shit!

Probably shouldn’t have watched “Rudy” as the team movie on the last road trip huh Ralf?  Straight out of Hollywood!

So where does Flint go from here?  Yeah well, they don’t have a clue!  That’s right kids, they didn’t even have a plan for what happens next!

The hockey gods just keep on giving don’t they kids?!

Look for the top motivational speaker from Ikea to be jumping on Rolf Nilsen’s private plane and heading over from Sweden to take over the team.  You know, these kids just need a little positive thought, and everyone should play!

On a positive note though, Hakon Nilsen has played three more OHL games than the other kids who tried out whose daddies couldn’t afford to buy an OHL team. Then again Hakon also quit with the rest of his team.  I wonder what the car ride home from the arena was like?  Might have been just a little awkward.  What a joke!

David Wagner – The Angel Of Death – For Those Who Live Stupidly I salute You

*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events.  It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.

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