The Death Pool – Special Report – NCPHL Has Two More Teams Vanish Amid UFO Sightings
Ohhhhhh boy. Its turning out to be a rough week for the NCPHL. The league with initials enough to be considered a tongue twister is watching its 2017-2018 season go up in smoke. And we aren’t even talking about all the darts outside of the players lounge! Ha Ha Ha
You know what though, you got to hand it to some people for pulling the plug before shit gets so bad that they embarrass themselves and screw players.
With UFO sightings over New York State the other night, it looks as though the Glens Falls based Adirondack Jr. Thunder and the Syracuse based NBH Spirit volunteered to take an experimental flight on a flying disk. That experimental flight is not set to return to any NCPHL location.
Speaking off the record before boarding the silver disk said;
“If my hockey career is going to be lost in a pile of shit, I may as well make it a pile of shit on another planet.”
Another NCPHL veteran was seen running toward the ship as it took off. Being denied boarding the unidentified player is quoted as saying;
“I blew it. My father is going to kick my ass. That was the last shot I had at getting out of this shit show. When my parents find out I blew their money on this, I am going to be tossed out like yesterdays trash.”
Coaches were seen boarding before any players were allowed. One head coach spotted carrying a pitcher of Martini’s on board is quoted as saying;
“This was the best possible end to this thing. I am going to party my balls off and be grateful that I did not ruin my career being associated with that shit show. Thank god they never put my name on the team website!”
We were informed by an NCPHL insider that the league is talking about removing letters from its set of initials for every two teams that go missing. At this rate they wont have any initials left by the end of the month.
As the UFO sightings ended, emails started arriving at TJHN mobile headquarters. We are running down a reported Tier III team disappearance in Canada.
We are heading into the busiest time of the year everyone. Make sure you send your tips in to email@example.com We appreciate all the community activism in helping us get the word out on some of these donkey’s.
David Wagner – The Angel Of Death – For Those Who Live Stupidly I salute You
*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events. It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.