Happy Monday boys and girls! I hope everyone is enjoying freezing their asses off like I am! Ha Ha Ha Holy crap did winter come on quick. I totally lost my winter jacket and going shopping in a snow storm to buy a jacket wasn’t exactly a good time!
So, for the last nine months or so I have been getting emails from players and parents regarding Steroid and Cocaine use by players in junior hockey. I have really taken my time on this one kids. Nine months is a long time for me to keep my mouth shut on anything.
For nine months I have been quietly, unobtrusively sniffing around teams, coaches, and parents trying to dig up the truth on this. Turns out I really didn’t have to work too hard to do it.
It took all of about three days for me to get people to start talking. The thing is, most kids don’t do this shit, but there are a bunch of players in junior hockey that are doing it, and they aren’t even keeping it a secret!
That’s right kids they aren’t hiding it, and what’s worse is some coaches and team owners know about it! Yeah that’s right kids, they know!
Funny how a player who is widely known to use steroids is nicknamed “JUICE” and the coaches call him by that name! Or that another is so well known for his cocaine use that he is called “FROSTY” because he doesn’t even hide the residue on his nose in between periods! That’s right kids, IN BETWEEN PERIODS!!!!!
So, if you think this problem is limited to the NHL players recently in the news for drug use, you need to pull your head out of your ass. These self entitled little pricks we are raising and filling their pockets full of money when they leave home to play junior, are spending that money on steroids and blow!
But guess what kids?! All you losers who are doing this shit are about to run into a big old trap.
See, the NCAA does drug test. Yep, for all you idiots that didn’t know, they test and you don’t get your scholarship until you sign off on accepting their rules on testing.
But it gets better. Not only do they test, but they are ramping up testing. Not only are they ramping up testing, but they are accepting anonymous tips! Yeah buddy, your team mates can turn you in now! The kid who sits in the stands every night while you are out there juiced up can now turn you in and take your spot.
For all you mommies and daddies who think this isn’t an issue, you need to open your eyes. How about asking your kid to pee in a cup when he comes home for the holidays? I am willing to bet there will be a lot of pissed off parents when their kid says they don’t want to do it, or they have a dirty test.
Don’t want to do that? Ok. No problem. Life is always easier when you don’t have to face issues. Zero tolerance only means something when the policy actually has some teeth. But who cares, I mean we won the other night right?!
*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events. It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.