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GMHL To Expand To United States

The GMHL is returning to the United States after a decade long absence. Not since the Jamestown Jets has the GMHL had a franchise, let alone multiple franchises based in the United States. All that, is about to change in a big way.

Multiple sources are now reporting a massive United States expansion plan is set to be initiated over the coming months. While plans are yet to be announced officially, we have received some telling information from sources via email.

One source who is close to the situation had this to say:

“We have run out of cities in Ontario. Just that simple. Any city or town with an empty arena either won’t take a GMHL team or we have already screwed them over at least once. We have no choice but to go back to the US.”

When speaking to a source within the league offices, we asked specifically where in the United States the GMHL was looking to expand and we received this response:

“Our plan is simple. We will go into all the cities where legitimate leagues have already shit the bed. This will be a lot of locations, and we have no shortage of potential ownership groups. All the applicants that have been turned down by legitimate leagues eventually make their way to us, and five grand for an application is five grand if you know what I am saying.”

The GMHL likes to tell people who don’t know any better that they are a “junior hockey” league and sometimes they try to tell people they are “Tier II”, when in fact it really is just a place where players who either don’t know any better, or are directed by scumbag advisers go to play.

“Bob and Ken are our leaders. It’s kind of a two headed monster. We have to keep feeding the league office with money, that’s how things get done. I mean you really have to appreciate just how long they have been able to keep this scam going without going to jail. It’s simply a work of art the way things are done that allows us and them to profit off these idiots who actually come to play.”

When pushed for locations of these new teams we received this response:

“Does it really matter? I mean who the hell are we kidding. Half these shit shows will start up and then never play a game. This is all about franchise fee’s and collecting down payments on player tuition. So if we go into Michigan or New York it really doesn’t matter. Most people have no intention of ever really playing, so we get the money and then fold up shop. Simple and efficient.”

When reaching out to the Commissioners office no response was received. Stay tuned for more breaking news on the GMHL expansion to the United States.

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