In what can only be called a shocking event, President Donald J. Trump has signed a Presidential Executive Order opening the border with Canada more than a year after Coronavirus had them closed.
When asked for comment on why the order was being signed now, the 45th President of the United States had this to say:
“In honor of the great Canadian holiday “Poisson D’Avril”, Giuliani came to me and said this would be a great thing. Rudy has a thing for Canada, I dont know what it is, but he has this thing. Hey I like them Canadians, they are terrific, just terrific people, and they make some great Maple Syrup. Terrific really, I can’t get enough of that stuff.”
“So were gonna open the border, not the Mexico border, because we want to wall that sucker up. But the Canada border. We’re gonna welcome those Canadian people with open arms. Yeah, I know Fauci says no hugging, but I say go ahead and hug. I hugged Ivanka this morning, and I got to tell you it was really nice.”
When pressed on the subject of how he thought that his signing would effect the border, and why he would decide to write this order now the 45th President said:
“Hey, I closed them, and I can open them. That’s how it works, like a door. Open and close, close and open. You see I get things done. Just get out my pen and some letterhead, and start writing. Its terrific and its gonna be huge. Huge for bacon sales, and huge for all those hockey players who were stuck at home. Yes, I am a huge hockey fan, I love hockey. The last time I saw the Golden Seals play the Rangers it was terrific I tell you.”
While making these statements one person asked if the 45th President was “okay”:
“Yes. Never better. Getting lots done, preparing for a visit to the wall we’re building in Mexico. Get that thing done and we can stop the spread of COVID. I was watching FOX and someone said, a Mexican national was actually in China the day the virus started and that he, and I am not saying he did it on purpose, that person though came to the United States after China, and all of a sudden we had COVID.”
When pressed further on the effectiveness of his “order” the 45th President seemed a little confused.
“What do you mean I cant sign the order. I have the paper a bunch of fancy President pens, and I closed the border. Lets open this thing up and get things moving here.”
When the Biden Administration was contacted about the Canada border opening Executive Order, the phone was abruptly disconnected.