The Death Pool – Its Not Junior Hockey When…..

Ohhhhhh yeah.  We got some nice emails last week on this new sub series of articles.  Looks like you guys liked this shit so much you flooded us with some seriously messed up stories!

Soooooo, its not junior hockey when……

When you get to your home arena only to find out that there is no dedicated dressing room for the team.  Yep, bagging up every day is not junior hockey.

If you play for the NA3HL’s College Station Spirit, its not really junior hockey when you get your ball sack handed to you by the score of 18 to 1.  That’s called pretend bullshit wannabe junior hockey.

Your head coach shows up to a game drunk.  Yep, nothin else to be said with that one really.  But yeah, someone’s head coach regularly shows up to games smelling like booze.

How about when one of the referee’s in your game breaks up a fight by pulling the hair of one of the fighters until he stopped swinging?!?!  Yep, we just love all the quality control measures in place throughout so many of these super awesome pay to play leagues!

What about when one of your team mates fathers threatens the head coach in front of the whole team?  Ahhhhh yes, stay classy dad.

The best player on the team gets caught buying pot from an undercover cop the night before a big game, and the coach doesn’t sit the player?  Yeah, it really happened.

Your head coach is so cool, he actually buys the beer for you after a big win while you ride back home in a school bus.  Nothing quite like those strong leadership examples!  Ha Ha Ha

You played your last game with 11 skaters, the hockey is so freakin bad, you still won the game against a team with 15 skaters!

You score five goals and five assists thinking that scouts actually give a shit about your points in a shit hockey league!

Your goalie gets pulled after allowing the eighth goal of the game with less than five minutes to go in the third period.  Yes, that coach sure knows how to manage the bench and keep confidence levels high!

And finally,

Its not junior hockey when at the post game party you are hosting you walk in on your mom making out with your coach in a bathroom.  Nope, nothin weird going on here.  Can I get some more ice time please?!?! Ha Ha Ha

Stick around, looks like we got another few teams waiting on life support…

David Wagner – The Angel Of Death – For Those Who Live Stupidly I salute You

*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events.  It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.