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The Death Pool – Parents Acting As Agents Or Advisers

Hey kids, its that time of year again.  Yep you guessed it, its excuse making time, and parent bitching time.  Like clockwork, we can count on this season as much as we can count on the hockey season starting in September.

So yesterday I look in the mirror and say to myself, holy crap you probably need to shave this morning.  Pretty easy to see that a weeks growth in the mirror isn’t exactly stylish.  So I shave.  Pretty simple eh kids?

When was the last time you looked in your own mirror players, moms and dads?  Yeah, your mirror is your stat sheet, game video, and where you fit in the lineup.  I know, all of you who have just gotten cut from a team are saying the coaches screwed up right?  Yep, they didn’t see how good you were.

Forget about the few turn overs, or passes up the middle that were intercepted.  Forget about not finishing checks.  Forget you had next to no points last year or you were a minus five thousand on defense last season.  Yep, that video they watched on you wasn’t all your fault either.  Sure, you were on a bad team.  Your last coach sucked, or the last team didn’t have any players that could play with you.  Hey dumb ass, how about looking in the mirror today?

Your mommy and daddy are probably not in the hockey business for most of you.  Your mommy and daddy cant be objective when it comes to where you should be playing.  Oh, yeah and one real important thing to remember, coaches don’t want to hear from mommy or daddy for the most part.

For all you parents out there who think they are self styled agents or advisers, you need to get a grip on yourselves.  Its hilarious to watch you in the rinks.  Really it is.  Its even funnier to read the resumes you prepare and the emails you write.

The best thing is when you talk about the business you own sponsoring the team!  Priceless!  Yep, your sponsorship will buy you a position on a first class team alright.  You ever think that the team selling you the sponsorship and giving up the roster spot is so desperate for cash that they would sell the whole roster?

But hey kids, mommy and daddy will take care of it right?  They always have.  Even when you don’t deserve it they find a way to get you what you want most of the time.

See, though in higher levels of hockey it just don’t work like that.  All mommy and daddy do in cases like that at higher levels is piss people off to a point that teams don’t give a damn how good a player you are.

Yep, you might be able to play on that team, but because your parents think they are an agent or an adviser they wont take you.  Teams don’t want to deal with parents like this.

Do you really think picking a team is just about how you perform on the ice?  Not these days.  Too many players want spots on teams, and coaches can pick and choose who they want.  There is always someone else who will take the spot.  Someone who will be grateful for the opportunity to be on the team.  Someone who will work hard and keep their mouth shut.

See its not just about picking the best players, its about building a team.  Team for most people is another word for family.  No one wants the bitchy family members at the dinner table.  So a few words of advice to you parents who think they know it all……Just shut up.

David Wagner – The Angel Of Death – For Those Who Live Stupidly I salute You

*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events.  It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.

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