Alrighty boys, sorry for my absence these last few weeks. Being the Angel Of Death keeps a man busy you know. Too many people playing on train tracks and jumping into water before they know how to swim.
It sure looks like there are a lot of teams that simply need to be put out of their misery right now. From coast to coast the number of teams operating with ridiculously low roster numbers, or those about to start their seasons with roster numbers that leave grave concern for player safety is astonishing.
I will cover as many of those today as I can. If I miss a few, and you all know who you are, do not worry about it, I will eventually find you and get your information out here;
Alpena Street Cats: Will someone turn off the respirator already? With 13 players listed on their roster this is a dangerous situation and players can get seriously injured. Ten skaters! Thats if they actually have ten. This team needs to be buried. Now where did I leave that shovel?
Alpena is the only MWJHL team that should be put out of their misery at this time. But hey, its early yet and the MWJHL has not started the regular season. Lets keep that crash cart handy! HA HA HA
Wichita Jr. Thunder: The WSHL should be embarrassed! Six games played and 6 goals for, but 59 goals against?!?! Are you kidding me? With 17 skaters and three goalies this is the best you can do? This team may be close to making their operating budget on tuition now, but how much longer will players put up with results like this before they look for USA Hockey teams that still need players?
New Mexico Renegades: WSHL candidate number two. 16 rostered players and three of them are goalies. Awesome! Easy to see a return to prior years performance standards. Three games played and ZERO goals scored, while allowing THIRTY TWO goals against! Now that’s making a statement in junior hockey! What they are saying? When we figure that out we will let you know, but dont hold your breath or you may see me at your door.
We will have more on some additional WSHL teams in upcoming issues of the Death Pool. They may not be dead yet folks but some teams should be! Oooooops sorry, didn’t mean to kick that plug out of the wall? HA HA HA Little ICU humor there folks.
How about the good old GMHL folks? Yep, we do not discriminate against our Canadian friends, death is an equal opportunity……
Bobcaygeon Bucks: A roster of 17, a record of ZERO wins and Five losses is not exactly a great start. 47 goals against in five games and someone needs to make sure these Bucks are at the bait pile when Deer season opens!
Shelburne Red Wings: Another 17 man roster folks, but the beauty here is that only three players are defencemen! But hey, having four goalies might be leading to a new concept of playing one forward, three defense and having two between the pipes all game. HA HA HA Allowing 7 goals against per game and this just might be an idea that gets considered! Shelburne might want to implement this system right away after allowing 18 Goals against yesterday!
Mattawa Voyageurs: Someone please end the voyage! Even with a 20 man roster, the team is still giving up nearly 5 goals per game. While that’s not too bad, the coaching staff must not understand how to coach because every goalie has a GAA of 7.42 or HIGHER! If your only giving up 5 a game how does this happen? Ahem Ahem Cough Cough Coaching.
Thinking I need to check in on some east coast teams next week. We have been getting some very peculiar information sent down on the skull and bones phone.
David Wagner – The Angel Of Death – For Those Who Live Stupidly I salute You
*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events. It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.