The Death Pool – Special Report – CPJHL Creemore Team Sucked Into Black Hole
Holy shit, its happening again! Teams are vanishing! First it was aliens and heir UFO’s coming down and swooping up teams, and now it turns out they can just up and vanish into Black Holes!
The Creemore Barely Kings are gone. Poof!
Only traces remain of their short existence. Archived logos, a press release, and the remains of a website are all that’s left of the once promising expansion franchise. Like the smell of over ripe garbage waiting to be taken to the curb, the remains of the Barley Kings is just lingering in the air.
Announced less than three months ago, the Creemore Barley Kings looked like they had a promising future. Shit, the local and regional press outlets were even covering them. Yeah, like a real junior hockey team! Ha Ha Ha
Little is known about the Barley Kings though, so the search party is not sure how to track them down. Other than announcing a tryout camp that was scheduled for the end of June, it doesn’t look like much was happening for the Barley Kings.
It really sucks to be Creemore though. This is two years in a row the city opens its arms, only to have a team vanish into thin air.
Its all good though. We got more expansion teams in Canada and the U.S. We got all kinds of “opportunity” for players to get screwed, and parents to take a dump on their own checking accounts. Yep, its all about opportunity.
NASA scientists are now tracking this mysterious Black Hole as it appears to be circling other teams across North America. A strange sound came from the Black Hole shortly after the Creemore Barley Kings were reported missing.
Some at NASA thought the sound was some form of Alien communication, a team of scientists examined the sound for a total of two minutes and found it to be an errant recording of someone flushing a toilet.
We got more on the way everyone. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the carnage. This is better than any video game!
David Wagner – The Angel Of Death – For Those Who Live Stupidly I salute You
*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events. It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.