The Death Pool – Special Report – Major Junior Doesnt Disclose Where All The Money Went

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Ummmmm yeah, well, ummm, about that few hundred thousand bucks.  See, I got a perfectly good explanation of where it is.  Yeah, ummmm its, at my sisters house in her freezer, and I just forgot to claim it on my income statements to the court.  Yeah, that’s it.  It just slipped my mind.

Ohhhhhhh you mean its more than a few hundred thousand?  Shit, you guys really did some digging huh?  So its closer to a million dollars than it is to no dollars huh?  Well, really, I didn’t know, because like I was at the hockey shop buying skates for the boys and I just don’t think about anything but the players and their comfort.

You think that’s what is being said in some interrogation room in Canada?  Or is it just me making shit up again?

I don’t know, but some how, the non profit side of teams has forgotten to claim hundreds of thousands of dollars as income!  Can you believe it?  Crazy isn’t it.  To think they would just forget to claim the money raised from raffles and things.

Ohhhhh shit, just an oversight that we didn’t claim the millions of dollars we made on some concerts we held.  Sorry bout that guys.

That’s the kind of shit people, normal people that is, go to jail for when they forget to claim it in a court proceeding.

Show me the money boys.  Show all of us the money.

Ohhhhhh shit. What about that money the NHL pays for development?  Did that get lost in someone’s pocket?  Yeah, its probably in the washing machine or dryer with all the small change.

Come one guys.  Can we just stop the bullshit?

Major Junior is a cash freakin cow.  If it wasn’t, people wouldn’t pay upwards of ten million bucks to buy a team.

Can’t you tell the truth?  I mean how hard is it to say you just don’t want to pay the players because it will cut into your profits, or your own paycheck?  You know, those checks to cover hundreds of thousands paid to unnamed consultants.

Give me a break.  This whole thing is smoke and mirrors.  Philanthropic hockey at that level doesn’t exist.

So where is the money?  Probably sitting next to all those game worn jerseys with new tags on them.  Ohhhh shit, sorry boys, I got a couple hundred grand in meals to pay for.  Cant pay ya this year.

David Wagner – The Angel Of Death – For Those Who Live Stupidly I salute You

*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events.  It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.