Yeah, we were just a little over due for this report. I have been looking at hundreds of pay to play team websites, Twitter and Facebook pages for all the great player signings we get this time of year. You know what I found?
I found a whole lot of nothing. I found dozens of teams not announcing shit. No player signings at all. Zip, nadda, zilch.
You know what that means? Well, based on previous summers, it means we got a whole lot of teams on the verge of folding right now. Like a shit ton of teams on the verge.
So if your pay to play team hasn’t announces any player signings, you might not want to be giving them any more of your hard earned money.
You might want to be asking some of these clowns who has signed on for next year and for their phone number to confirm things. Ohhhhhh shit, yeah, I know, that whole verification thing just scared the piss out of some people.
Another sign that your team is a shit show is when you show up to a “free” camp and there are only a few players there. Better yet, you show up to a “free” camp and you are the only person there! HA HA HA Kinda like you pick up your bag and pretend you are in the wrong place and walk out. Or, you show up to the “free” camp and you see so many benders on the ice that you turn around and walk out.
Yeah, how about those teams that haven’t attended any of the biggest scouting events of the spring and summer? You know the guys who try to buy the player list from someone then they just email and call you from that list. The guys who didn’t talk to you at the showcase but really liked you! HA HA HA
Lets not forget the “gimmick”. The “gimmick” is what teams on the verge of folding use to trick players and parents into signing. Kinda like a “bait and switch”. The no tuition, or tuition free team that charges “administration fee’s” per player, or charges ridiculous “billet” fee’s that are a few hundred bucks more per month than any other team.
There also that now famous “entertainment fee” some teams are charging to supplement their income. Seriously. An “entertainment fee” that is said to cover “entertainment” while on road games. Ohhhhh shit yeah, and we got some info that some Tier II teams are charging this bullshit fee too.
Lets not forget this beauty……..
The teams that do not have a Head Coach listed on the team website! Yeah, that ones for the donkey’s in the NCPHL. We are watching your asses. Ohhhhh look for an extra special story on you dummies next week!
Wait a minute. I don’t want to miss this one….. How about the teams in Canada. The ones we are now calling “winkie chasers”. Yep, you know the boys we love. We got news that there are about six of you dumb asses already on your death beds! Shall we pull the plug next week?
Hey kids, its the end of June next week. Time to get your shit together. If your team doesn’t have a close to full roster heading into July, yeah, your kinda screwed. Cause all those “cuts” from Tier II aint gonna save all the shit shows this year.
Russian Roulette is back in style when it comes to pay to play hockey.
David Wagner – The Angel Of Death – For Those Who Live Stupidly I salute You
*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events. It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.
