The Death Pool – Special Report – Top Ten Signs Your Pay To Play Team Is the Titanic

Hey kids, hockey season is officially here! Oh hell yeah, who’s excited for those USA Hockey protected lists?! I know I am and so are a lot of other people. Who’s not excited? Ummmmmm yeah the coaches who don’t have full rosters and they know who they are.

But hey, as you kids get ready for the regular season, I thought I would share with you the top ten signs your team may in danger of folding;

10. You arrive at your team arena and the coach asks if you brought any extra practice jerseys because the team jerseys haven’t arrived yet.  Yep, team track suits can be expected real soon;

9. You arrive at your team arena and its not an ice arena its actually a cold storage facility that used to be an ice rink;

8. You arrive in town and go to check in and you find out you have a new coach because the one who recruited you resigned the night before;

7. You walk into the dressing room and you see six sets of goalie pads and that’s it;

6. You are told games are being “rescheduled” due to circumstances beyond the teams control;

5. You are waiting at the airport for your ride, and no one shows up, and you are still waiting;

4. You ask who the top line of forwards are and the coach says “Do you know any forwards?”;

3. You land at the airport and while you are waiting at the arrival gate for your ride, you see your coach walking into the departure gate with all his bags;

2. Your team hasn’t announced any player signings in ohhhhhhh a month or two, and last seasons scores are still the top story on the team website;

1. The night before the season opens your team has less than 15 players.  Yes, that one is real serious folks.  Less than 15 skaters on the team and you are about to get screwed;

That’s right kids, its about to get real stupid. When you see only 3 on 3 drills at a camp, or a total of 12 to 15 players at a camp, and a team still insists they will play, you might just be dealing with a group of morons. But hey, get those check books out and don’t forget to make those payments.

David Wagner – The Angel Of Death – For Those Who Live Stupidly I salute You
*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events. It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.