The Death Pool – Top Ten Signs Your Team Is In Danger Of Folding – Holiday Break Edition
Happy Monday morning boys and girls. Hope everyone had a great weekend like I did. Spent a little time at a the Hill Academy showcase over the weekend, and as usual people just talk and talk, not even knowing who they are talking to. Sometimes my job is just too easy.
The boss is away pretty much all week so I get to do just about anything I want. I am working on a couple of pretty nasty little stories that center around one team. I will try to get that out later this week, cause some of this shit I am getting is amazing.
So, with the traditional holiday break right around the corner, and with all the rumors swirling about teams that are in trouble, we bring back the popular Top Ten list. Keep in mind that while this is all meant to be a little funny, these are all things we are actually hearing that are taking place with teams.
So here we go;
10. Your teams practice jerseys are all from other teams, or have been used for so many years you decide to use one of your own so you don’t get billed financially for a replacement like other players have been billed.
9. Your head or assistant coach tells you to pick up pucks and take them to the dressing room after you finish warm ups. Only problem is you are on the road and the pucks belong to the other team.
8. You have been waiting for your team track suit. It finally arrives and when you put it on you find that a former players name has been blacked out with a sharpie.
7. You are waiting for the bus to arrive to leave for a road trip and it doesn’t show up because the team hasn’t paid its bill in the last month. Its alright though because everyone car pools the three hour drive and a van brings the equipment.
6. Your owner is always bitching publicly about individual players not paying their tuition in front of other players.
5. Everyone in the organization has either quit or been “fired”, except for the Owner. Ummmmm yeah, and its always everyone but the owners fault it happened.
4. You get traded and you arrive to your new team, you have been there a week or more and you are still playing games with tape on the back of your jersey covering the name of the player who you were traded for.
3. You suddenly go from having four practices a week to two or three on ice practices a week because arena staff is saying the team owes too much money on the ice bill.
2. Your billet family says you have to leave because the team hasn’t paid the $350 per month billet fee. Yet, your parents paid the team a $500 a month billet fee in advance for the entire year! This is when the billet family quits billeting all together.
1. Your coach is always talking about how none of the players should consume alcohol, yet he goes out and gets shit faced when on road trips. You have to love some of the photographs players are taking these days!
So yeah, there is all kinds of stupidity that seems to come to light when teams are struggling to stay afloat. Most of this relates to Tier III or pay to play teams of course.
I had so much stuff I could have actually made a Top Twenty list, but I didn’t want to beat up on people too badly before the holiday break. You know, in the spirit of good will and all.
But hey, if you see one or more of these signs on your team, you might just want to hold onto the cash this holiday season in case you need it for a new team after the break!
*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events. It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.