Ahhhhhh yes. It is the official start of silly season. Its the fist day of Spring, so all the morons are now free to run wild in the world of Junior Hockey. It really is a season of renewal you know. Renewed optimism, renewed recruiting, renewed bullshit stories, and renewed unbelievable examples of stupidity.
Fortunately for me, and by extension you, I get to hear about all this stuff before many people do. Hey, I really owe a lot to my little death cherubs for giving me all these tips. There’s nothing better than having a witness to stupidity. I would send you a team jacket or something, but then no one will talk to you. So, lets just keep roasting these idiots SEAL Team Six style!
So, the USPHL. The Brand with fifty freakin divisions. The brand so many confuse with the USHL. The brand that is “too big to fail”.
I say too big to fail because like the banks in 2008, there are some super ego’s involved here. Mostly in the Premiere division, but it does spread on down to the USP3 division too. News flash boys, you aint as special as you think you are.
Case in point…..
The Rochester Junior Americans and the Portland Jr. Pirates. For weeks now I have been getting emails about teams being either removed from their arenas or making promises to players they just cant keep.
Abara freakin kadabara two teams are booted from the USPHL Premiere division. No fan fare. No public announcement. No house cleaning sign hung on the door.
Ok, first rule of running a league kids…… If there is bad news, you get out in front of it and address it before someone else breaks the story for you! Ummmmmmm yeah, its called public relations and image management. But hey, who cares right? No one reads TJHN or The Death Pool right? Or do they?
Yeah, so the information I have says Rochester and Portland are out of the Premiere division.
The Rochester Junior Americans are said to have been kicked out of their arena and been taken over by the Rochester Monarchs for next year but wont be offering a Premiere level team. Hmmmmmm could this be the same Monarchs organization that joined the USPHL youth divisions? Yep, it sure is kids. Never mind that smoke though kids, there is no fire over there. Ha Ha Ha
The Monarchs are a good organization though. Plenty of good people involved there and according to the boss they run a top flight program. So, don’t let the Junior Americans removal take away from what the Monarchs offer kids.
Portland? What the hell happened to Portland? Ummmmmm other than stinking up the joint with a 12-28-4 record this year not much is being said. But, the Premiere division team is no longer listed on the Pirates organization website. Never mind the over turned train kids, keep moving along, nothing to see here! Ha Ha Ha
Will the Premiere division replace these teams? Who the hell knows. Do we really need more Tier III hockey? Ummmmm no! And Hell No!
Stay tuned kids I got more good stuff on the way. We will once again be issuing our life support unit updates. And we are now moving our team folding over under number to 18 teams this summer kids. Yep, with more expansion comes more opportunity for me!
On special this week in Death’s diner, is road kill stew. You know, we just keep driving around looking for all the killed off team mascots that were run over by their owners. Just stick a fork in it!
David Wagner – The Angel Of Death – For Those Who Live Stupidly I salute You
*The Death Pool is a mix of comedy, and satire in connection with recent events. It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening
