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The Death Pool – Top Ten Signs Your Pay To Play Junior Team Will Fold

Happy Memorial Day everyone!  Thanks to all those Veterans for all they have done for all of us.

So, you are going to play junior hockey this year.  Awesome.  Ohhhhhh shit, you are going to play Tier III junior hockey this season?  Ummmmm yeah, well good luck picking a team.

Lots of good old expansion at the pay to play level again this year.  Hell yeah, field of ice hockey dreams bullshit expansion.  Love this stuff really.

So here are the top ten signs your shit show, ummm Tier III team is going to fold and you will lose your money….

10.  Your head coach is out recruiting and isn’t event wearing the team clothing, he is wearing his former teams clothing.  Yep, nothing says a team is prepared like sending a coach out with no branded clothing.

9.   Your head coach can not name his assistant coaches because they are “volunteer positions”. Volunteer positions?  What the hell are you spending all that money on then?

8.   Your team is located in a building where multiple teams have been before and folded before.  Nothing says success like a community that clearly doesn’t give two shits about Tier III hockey.

7.   At a showcase, you see your coach offering contracts to every player.  Because every one of them is just as special as you are.  Ha Ha Ha

6.   When you show up to visit the arena, the people working in the building tell you that they can not show you the dressing room because a lease has not been signed yet.

5.   When you ask to meet your billet family you are told the team is still working on getting billets for the season.  In case you cant comprehend, that means the team has no billets!

4.   You sign your contract at the big showcase and hand over your first payment to be the teams number one goalie.  Then you watch the coach sign three more goalies at the same event and you hear one of them talking about how he was promised to be the number one.

3.   When you read the team contract it says there are no refunds after November.  Funny but last year, the season didn’t end until March or April.  Why wouldn’t you be able to get a refund or partial refund after November?

2.   When you show up for a team “prospect camp” or to play in a “showcase” and in the dressing room only three of the twenty players on the team are actually committed to play on the team and the rest are signed to other teams.  Nothing says successful recruiting like a room full of uncommitted players.

  1.   On the way to visit the rink, you drive buy some guy getting put in the back of a police car.  Turns out the head coach hadn’t paid child support in a few years and he wont be meeting you at the rink.

Its recruiting season.  Also known as massive bullshitting season in Tier III.  Simple rule of thumb boys.  If they don’t have a history of moving players on to the next level tell them to …….

David Wagner – The Angel Of Death – For Those Who Live Stupidly I Salute You!
*The Death Pool is a mix of Comedy, and Satire in connection with recent events. It is not an official report of current events although it may look as though the news is so accurate that it could one day happen or may be happening.

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