When it comes to changing labels, USA Hockey has made a habit of showing the world how to do it best. Switching from the old Junior A, B and C labels to Tier I, II and III has proven to be such a success, that a new initiative has been undertaken.
AAAA Hockey and a new national AAAA hockey league are being ramped up to launch in 2018.
Speaking anonymously one USA Hockey official said;
“We needed to find a way to put a spotlight on what some of our young players are doing that goes beyond the current AAA hockey labels. We felt that bringing more attention to these players who do not use roller bags, and tie their own laces on their skates at twelve years old, would really point out just how far some of them have developed.”
The new league, being modeled after the highly successful Rocky Mountain Junior Hockey League, will also feature 20 minute breaks in between periods where positive reinforcement coaches will be giving out hugs.
Another official stated;
“Hey, we had to do something to cover up the shit show we created with the women’s national team. I mean we got a bunch of donkeys running around a board room making up rules, who haven’t bought a pair of skates in years. You should see the shit going on up there, its hilarious really. One guy didn’t even know women played hockey.”
Also under discussion is a new Junior Hockey designation for 2018. U-25 is being considered a new way to generate more $45 annual fee’s from players who simply want to say they played junior hockey some day. This new designation is also being looked at as Tier IIII hockey.
“Yeah, so, we are probably going to be getting our asses kicked in some lawsuits pretty soon, so we got to raise some cash some how. We figured if people were dumb enough to buy our bullshit AAAA hockey, they will buy this too.”
Meanwhile, during all of these discussions, USA Hockey officials were seen leaving the corporate offices in a fleet of new Cadillac Escalades. The Escalades are being touted as “gifts” from the United States Olympic Committee as a “thank you” for wrapping up negotiations with the United States Women’s National Team last week.
“Yep, its a sweet ride. Just grips your ass nicely and gets you from A to B in style. Plenty of room for a few hockey bags if you need too.” Said one official.
Happy April.
